I have been dating my boyfriend for three months. He is intelligent and thoughtful, sensitive and funny. We are in our 30s and have the same long-term goals - to travel, see where life takes us and not add children to a relationship.
I wasn't physically attracted to him, but the way he treats me convinced me to give it a go. I'm not convinced there's enough "spark" and find myself inwardly picking apart his appearance and his unwavering devotion to me, which I find soppy and cloying. Some things actively turn me off, for example chewing food loudly with his mouth open and getting food all over his face, or the way he dresses. Then I feel guilty as he would not judge me in the same way.
I have dated some very attractive men in the past and valued physical attractiveness probably too highly. Most of these boyfriends were narcissistic and made me feel insecure about my own attractiveness, something I am usually confident about. I am agonising about throwing away a relationship with a man who really adores me.
Should I let him go or stick with it?
Mariella replies Life can, in some ways, be very short. You've written to me at a point in the year when I tend to feel reckless and impatient - "out with the old" becoming my increasingly frenzied mantra! It's perhaps not the best state of mind to be delivering advice, but happily, in your case, it might be. Normally I'm all about compromise. As I regularly reiterate, few relationships survive the course without epic levels of endurance and tolerance from both parties.
Your boyfriend's assets look impressive on paper. A man who's thoughtful, intelligent, sensitive and funny isn't to be sniffed at, but listed thus they sound like a stereotype. Sure, he sounds like a nice guy but, despite the propaganda suggesting otherwise, there are plenty of them about - it's finding one that's tuned to your wavelength that counts.